


now's the time, I'll keep my head held high (and we'll choose to take it slow)

by verflixt



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: F/F, Fluff, did you know tense shifts are a nightmare when people have multiple lives?, gay crush time hooray!, god I'm suffering, pining (but only a little bit), very liberal interpretation of factual historical events
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24745414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verflixt/pseuds/verflixt
Summary: Kat reflects on her recent, fortuitous reconciliation with Anna of Cleves, only to realize that she's gone right from one form of awkward relationship with the woman straight to another.Namely, one-sided, hopeless infatuation.-Set sometime shortly after "Remainder Sentiments".
Relationships: Anne of Cleves & Katherine Howard, Anne of Cleves/Katherine Howard
Comments: 10
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title loosely taken from "Barbara Song" from Bertolt Brecht & Kurt Weill's _The Threepenny Opera_ (originally in German, translated into English). The details of the lyrics definitely don't suit Kat exactly, but the general vibe of a woman singing unhappily about the constraints around how her society allows her to interact with men, and how it shaped the circumstances leading to her sexual assault, reminds me a lot of AYWD.
> 
> A recording of "Barbara Song" from the Broadway revival of _The Threepenny Opera_ : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daZ0rqUKIcg

_“Actually, Anna… I think I had a little crush on you back then…”_

Kat meant it mostly as a joke. A cute way of acknowledging that she really _had_ looked up to Anna quite a lot back in the 16th century when they first met. It was only natural; she'd had so few female role models who weren’t in direct, vicious competition with her for status and influence. Anna had been one of the few people Kat could trust not to have ulterior motives.

But the words have stuck in Kat’s mind ever since she said them. And while she usually prefers not to dwell on the past (for obvious reasons), now that Kat has cause to reflect on the few parts of her previous life that _weren’t_ utterly ruined by the controlling, abusive, manipulative men around her, certain memories have started to come back. Memories Kat might even call, quelle surprise… pleasant.

Kat remembers how patient and gentle Anna was to her ladies-in-waiting, particularly when they were new to court. There was the unfortunate language barrier, of course, Anna having come over from the Continent not speaking a word of English. But even so, she never blamed the difficulty on her attendants. If anything, it made Anna more sympathetic toward those still struggling to acquire the knowledge of etiquette and courtly behavior required to serve the Queen. Kat was only a lady-in-waiting to her for a short time, but she had been relieved to find Anna unfussy, easygoing, and not without a sense of humor.

Kat wonders if she’s sugar-coating things in her recollections, so– although she and the other queens have made it a blanket rule to avoid looking into what the historical record has to say about them– she does a cursory search on the internet. From what she finds, it appears that Kat’s impression was correct; by all accounts, Anna was a very agreeable and kind-hearted employer. Apparently, she’d even left money to her servants and commended them to the households of Mary and Elizabeth in her will. Kat spends an afternoon poring over the details, touched by the German queen’s generosity and amused by the fact that, despite her sumptuous endowment, Anna had frequently spent herself into debt to the crown, before realizing that being so engrossed in the biographical minutiae of Anna's past life is just another sign that Kat’s interest in the woman is a little more intense than appropriate.

All right, Kat concludes, it's true Anna was as friendly and understanding a mistress as you could find back then. So maybe Kat having some fond memories about her time spent in Anna’s retinue makes sense. Anna took her under her wing, and it was perfectly reasonable Kat would develop some affection for the older woman.

But the thing is… Kat remembers _really_ wanting Anna to like her _back_. As queen, Kat always invited Anna to court functions– at least, whenever Henry let her have a say– and sought out her company if she deigned to attend. She was absolutely _thrilled_ at the New Years’ festivities in 1541 (she even remembers the date!) when Henry slunk off to bed long before the revelry ended, and Kat had an excuse to spend _hours_ dancing with the former queen. And Kat even recalls that, on one occasion, upon receiving a lovely ring and a pair of dogs as a token of affection from Henry, she turned right around and re-gifted them to Anna. And Kat had been _inordinately_ pleased with the polite letter of thanks she’d received in response.

The words replay in Kat’s mind.

_“I think I had a little crush on you back then…”_

Stupid. _Stupid._

It had not been a _little crush_ , Kat realizes belatedly, and with some mortification. It would more accurately be described as something bordering on _infatuation_.

And– worse yet– it was certainly no longer confined to _back then_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historical notes:  
> Obviously I am taking ENORMOUS liberties here with interpreting the intent & feelings behind what actually happened :)
> 
> But from some casual research:  
> -Anne of Cleves was considered "gentle, virtuous, and docile" and "was remembered by everyone who served her as a particularly generous and easy-going mistress" (sayeth Wikipedia, lol)  
> -Anne did indeed leave money to her servants and ask Mary and Elizabeth to employ them in their own households upon her death in her will  
> -Despite the generous annulment settlement, Anne _did_ have issues managing her household finances & maintaining the high standard of living she was used to, especially after Henry died. Doesn't seem like things got too dire before she passed away, though  
> -As mentioned in "Remainder Sentiments", Katherine and Anne did dance together at the New Years' festivities in 1541  
> -Katherine really did re-gift a ring and a pair of dogs from Henry to Anne, though I have no idea if Anne actually sent a thank-you letter
> 
> Comments & kudos appreciated as always! Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Kat decides to do upon realizing the magnitude of her crush is… nothing.

There is _no way_ she is risking her budding friendship with Anna for what could be a fleeting, hot-blooded infatuation. No– now that she's realized what's going on, the sensible thing to do is set these feelings aside and study them carefully, to evaluate if there's anything more to them than pent-up lust and a misplaced desire for external validation. Armed with this resolution, Kat vows to recognize those heady rushes of excitement whenever Anna gives her a compliment or throws her a friendly wink and shrug them off in order to respond in a mature and level-headed manner.

(...Best she can.)

To give herself credit, Kat’s interest is definitely based on more than looks. Anna isn’t hysterically funny like Anne, or intensely (sometimes irritatingly) empathic and caring like Jane. Nor does she produce an obvious atmosphere of competency and calm like Catalina, or have Cathy’s electric buzz of intently focused, borderline frenetic energy. Kat has a hard time putting her finger on it, but if pressed she would say that Anna… knows how to have a good time. No matter the circumstances– a double show day with (for some god-forsaken reason) an interview squeezed in the middle and therefore no time for lunch, a seemingly endless eighteen-hour layover in Dublin airport when the queens miss their connection, or caught in a rainstorm four hours outside of London when the car breaks down– Anna will shrug off the short tempers and frustrated screaming and settle down in a corner somewhere, usually with a snack and an interesting podcast. And, further, she’ll say something lighthearted and welcoming that instantly brightens the mood if someone else wanders over to the corner and joins her. Self-reliant, self-contained, but not at all standoffish– that’s Anna. And, among all the loud personalities in their family, Kat has come to respect and value that immensely.

Kat’s not going to lie though. The looks are also a major factor.

“Like what you see?” 

Anna turns away from doing her eyeshadow to throw an enquiring glance Kat’s way. Kat, having forgotten that Anna could see her face in the dressing room mirror as she stared, resists the urge to look away guiltily.

“Obviously. We all love watching you preen, that’s why we put it in the show,” Kat deflects, rolling her eyes for emphasis. “Uh… have you been working out more lately?” she adds, in an attempt to change the subject. She picks up her mascara and begins applying a second coat to appear preoccupied as Anna– predictably– brightens.

“Well, not more _per se_ , but I’ve been really focusing on my back and my delts and my upper arm muscles. Why, is it noticeable?” Anna sets down her eyeshadow palette to appraise her arms in the mirror.

“Yeah… y’know, I think I can see it,” Kat says casually, as if she hasn’t fantasized about putting her hands all over Anna’s impressively toned shoulders while making out with her. Ugh, and now she’s fantasizing about making out with Anna. _Again._ Damnit. 

“You should flex for me.” 

It pops out of Kat’s mouth before she can think better of it, but of course Anna just grins.

“Wow, my ego is getting _fed_ today,” Anna proclaims, and obeys. Anna isn’t bulky, but the muscles are certainly well-defined, and the swell of her biceps looks appealingly… grabbable? Kat restrains herself.

“Very impressive,” Kat nods casually. “You go to the gym four days a week, right?”

“Yeah, three or four.” Anna picks up the palette again. “Oh, hey– I can bring a guest on my membership. You’re always welcome to come with me if you’re interested.”

“Are you saying I need to work out?” Kat snips back automatically, not particularly offended.

Anna snorts. “No, Kat, and you’re just fishing for compliments when you say that. But I will oblige.” She closes her eyes and adopts the Holbein Voice. “Pardon me, your Highness, for implying you might be anything less than drop-dead gorgeous. Obviously the only reason you would ever show up at a gym is as an excuse to show off your already-perfect physique!”

“Well, when you put it that way… I do like to show off,” Kat concedes.

“That’s right!" Anna gestures emphatically with her brush. “And that’s why we put it in the show.”

The two of them then share a self-congratulatory snicker at the successful bantering and go back to getting ready for the evening’s performance. But Kat realizes about halfway through “Heart of Stone” that night that Anna had essentially offered to spend time with Kat– one-on-one, no other queens in the immediate vicinity– on a regular basis, _for the foreseeable future_.

And that was simply too good of an opportunity to pass up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this instead of working out.


End file.
